Finding the Work-Life-Mom Balance

Ever since I was a a little girl I have loved money and I have wanted to work so I could make my own money. Around my birthday I would start writing distant Aunts and my Grandmas to "remind" them of a very special day so they would send me money. In middle school, I started a small business of buying Blow Pops at Sams and then selling them at school for a quarter. I would make $15 per box. I have always been business savvy and I have always dreamed about living in a big city wearing a power suit and being rich.

Now I have a 10 month old. And in the blink of an eye she has become my life and the most important thing in it (aside from my husband). And while I respect stay at home mom's so much, I realize it's not in my blood to play this part. I have always been extremely independent and I am not sure I could ever let myself depend on someone else to make money for me. But at the same time she is getting so big and she changes everyday and I want to be there to see it. I want to spend time with her and watch her grow. Right now, I work for a big company, make decent money and have great hours. I don't take a lunch break so I am able to work an 8 hour day and go home to be with her for 2.5-3 hours each night before she goes to bed. I get to feed her, give her baths, take her to swim class (or whatever class she might have down the road) and play. But I am also in a role at work where I am going no where quick and the rules of the game keep changing. I am not happy here. I know I could be making a substantial amount more than I am making now at another job and my role would be more important. Plus, I feel as if the the person who used to be so motivated and driven has died and it makes me sad. That drive and dedication that I once had has now been deflated due to constant belittlement and apathy.
So herein lies my question: I am being recruited by companies who want to pay me more and want to put me in higher more important roles. The once ambitious spirit is getting that drive again and becoming excited at the possibility. But now the downside; I live in La, land of traffic and the companies are far away. The commute alone would be over an hour each way. And I know I won't be so lucky again to find a company where I could work an 8 hour day and head on the 3 mile trek home. Most of the companies have standard hours of 9-6. When I asked, they said they could be more flexible and make the hours 8-5 but that might even be worse from a traffic perspective. I would leave at 7AM (right around the time the baby woke up) and get home at 6:30ish (right when she goes to bed). I would never get to see her anymore. Plus, the extra money I would be making would go to pay for the extra hours the nanny is working. But the hopes would be that I would be important again and appreciated and motivated to do well. But I don't want to sacrifice my baby to do this. Where is the balance? How do other women do this? Is it possible to be a successful employee and mother? In order to become high up within a company, will there always be sacrifices that come with it? I am having a really hard time finding the balance between not giving up everything I have ever wanted but also being a good mom. Do I stay at this job for a while longer because it's convenient even though I am pretty miserable? Or do I get another job and take the chance that I will not get to be an active role in my daughter's life? Any help, comments or suggestions are appreciated.

I Think the Workout Gods Hate Me

A couple of weeks ago I decided I was going to go on an exercise kick. My near death experience running just only slightly put me off the path but I persevered and kept going. I decided to go to an exercise class with my friend Lara. We get to the class and before the class begins you can tell the instructor means business. She is an older woman but she is hardcore. She is wearing all spandex AND has just taught the class before us. Before class even starts she tears off her spandex tank top to reveal her very fit tummy which is kind of hard to see due to her huge boobs (courtesy of some doctor in LA). Anyhow, I digress. The music starts and it's fast dance music. But she decides it's not fast enough so makes the tempo faster. I was getting a little nervous but I went along with it. The Asian grandma was in my class taunting me in her mind. So class starts. In my head I am encouraging myself and I am even getting into it. It's hard though. The woman keeps making up moves on the fly and since I have the coordination of a blind bat in daytime it's hard enough just to keep up with that. 15 minutes in and I am sweating now...a lot. Not to mention I am still sick with a bad cold. So I cough and the woman in front of me gives me a look and a smirk and I know in her head she is mocking my stamina levels. 20 minutes in I am slowing down a little but still going strong. And then it happens. I don't know how because it was so fast but I might have jumped and then landed on my ankle. The pain was excruciating and I am pretty sure I saw my life flash before my eyes. I think Lara was secretly happy I was standing there crippled because this meant she could stop for a second too. My ankle started getting bigger and bigger and it was hurting pretty bad. I couldn't walk. Eventually I had to lean on Lara to get me out of there to the elevator (the gym is on the 2nd floor). We get in and the damn elevator is broken. So after I hobble down the stairs Lara gets the car and drives me home. By this time, my ankle is huge and the husband decides I need to go to the ER. After 3 hours there, we find out the ankle is not broken, just badly sprained. My attempts again have failed. I strongly feel the universe is telling me to stop working out so I will embrace the message until I heal.